A Modest Proposal for Voting (A Satire)

Yosemite Sam and I were talking while getting ready for work this morning. You know how those conversations go—one can solve the problems of the world in five minutes. Well, from this one, we came up with this modest proposal on how we vote. So, I present to you, with tongue firmly in cheek, a Modest Proposal for Voting.
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My dear sirs and madams, I put before you today a proposal that will improve how Americans vote. It will increase a sense of civic responsibility; test the capabilities of every adult American; ensure only serious voters come to the polls; and, increase the number of marksmen this country can rely upon in case of foreign invasion or domestic unrest.

This latter point is as important as any of them. America is a “Nation of Riflemen” founded upon the concept of the Minute Man; ready to defend our nation instantly. We, as a nation, have secured and protected our liberty, our freedom, our rights with guns.

Our nation has fallen from our high ideals. We have rightfully enfranchised many more citizens than the Founding Fathers did. However, we have not instilled a sense of citizenship and civic pride among too many voters.

There is one way to correct this; one way to ensure that only responsible and civic-minded Americans can vote. This way, you ask, each voter must come armed to the polls with an accurate .22 handgun that they have taken the time to use accurately. A gun that proves they have accepted their civic duty to be a gun owner.

That handgun, be it a humble revolver, a semi-auto, or a dedicated target pistol will be used to mark ballots. Yes my friends. We will vote in those who would lead us with a bullet. To make it a challenge, ballots will be placed at twenty-five yards.

I grant you that there will be problems, but all are surmountable. Ballots will need to be larger and polling places will need adequate backstops and ventilation. The aged among us will be at a disadvantage. However, this can be corrected—with each ten years of age, past that of 30, the ballots will be moved three feet closer to the voter to correct for aging eyes (although no closer than one yard).

What about the sincerely handicapped; the palsied, the blind, those without hands you ask? They will not be disenfranchised. A poll worker/range officer will shoot according to their instructions with a poll judge certifying results. All others must mark, or rather hole, their ballots.

I conclude with a sample ballot and a reminder that we are a nation of gunowners. Let us accept this and celebrate our rights at each election.
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Like I said, this is all tongue in cheek and the result of early morning conversation.

Bourbon and the Convention

Going to the NRA Convention isn’t just about hearing speakers, meeting fellow bloggers, seeing acres of guns. It’s also about going new places and enjoying seeing new things. Because this was the fourth convention in a row, we didn’t tour the exhibit floor until Sunday (hint, some of the exhibits don’t change too often).

There were other things we wanted to do and we took the opportunity to soak up culture. We toured a Bourbon maker and tasted some of their finer offerings (that’s enough culture for me).

We toured their warehouses and saw thousand of barrels of corn whiskey aging into true Bourbon. Later, an experienced Bourbon guide led us through telling the difference between a good Bourbon and a great one. We tasted a sample that had been aged for 18 years and a premium Bourbon aged the more usual 10 years. Damn that spoiled our palates, now we’ll end up buying their 18 year old stuff if we can find it locally.

They had a bottle of 23 year old Bourbon for sale—the only place in the United States you can find it. The price tag of $350.00 was just a little too painful for us.

If you find yourself near Louisville, drive out of town to Bardsville and hang a right to the Heaven Hill distillery. We’re glad we did.

Hello Louisville

Since Denise just did a quick post, I thought that I would do a quick one as well. We're having a great time here so far. Most of the day (Friday) was spent at the Celebration of American Values Leadership Forum. Having media credentials and sitting in the press area was an interesting experience. In some ways I felt that we had more access and in others, I felt that we were separated and isolated from everyone else. Of course we were physically separated, but it seemed we were separated emotionally as well. It was very strange seeing things on that side of the fence.

Most of the speeches were the typical political stem winders. Rah Rah Republicans. Rah Rah McCain. I liked Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson's speech a lot and she seemed the most dedicated of the politicians to 2nd Amendment rights. McCain's speech was typical McCain. He just sucks less than the rest of them. The whole thing was basically a Republican campaign rally. The NRA really needs to get more Democrats to speak at these events. I think Rep. David Boren was the only self identified Democrat on the stage.

After the McCain campaign rally, err Leadership forum, we headed over to the Bass Pro Shop for a get together with A LOT of bloggers. It was great to finally put faces to all the names and get to meet people whose blogs I have been reading for many years. Thanks to Bitter and Michael Bane for putting this together and I'm looking forward to the banquet tomorrow night.

Also, when we were in Louisville, 3 years ago, we toured the excellent Frazier Firearms Museum. It now has a politically correct name, but I suspect that it still has a lot of gunny goodness. If anyone has an extra 4 hours(we took the good part of a day), they should really visit this museum. It is, in my opinion, one of the best gun museums in the world. They have an entire floor of arms from the English Royal Armouries, which is worth the price of admission alone. This place is a do not miss for gunnies.

Torchwood--A Gunnie TV Show Review

Lately, Yosemite Sam and I have been watching a BBC import, Torchwood, set in Cardiff, Wales. We’ve been able to see every episode thanks to our cable company’s On Demand feature. It’s entertaining and surprisingly gunnie friendly.

First, it’s a spin-off of Doctor Who. If you don’t know about the Doctor, I can’t explain it here. Suffice to say it’s still on the air and still popular. Yosemite Sam grew up with it and is more of a fan than I am, but I really like Torchwood.

Its lead character, Captain Jack Harkness, was in a few episodes of the recently reincarnated Doctor Who. He was a con man who ended up more heroic than not and comes from Earth’s 51st Century. Through various permutations, he can’t be killed, but is stranded on Earth beginning in the late 19th Century. By the time of the TV series, he’s head of Torchwood Institute Three which investigates alien incursions and related.

That’s enough background, let’s get to the gunnie stuff.

One character, Gwen Cooper, is a police officer who observes Torchwood a little too closely and becomes a member herself. Torchwood members are expected to defend themselves with guns. Gwen doesn’t know how to shoot, because she wasn’t an armed constable. Harkness teaches her in an entertaining session. She fears the gun at first, but finds out she can shoot well and loves it. A surprisingly pro-gun message given the BBC’s track record on gun control.

Captain Jack carries a World War II era Webley Mark IV in an old leather holster with a flap. Unlike the Doctor who refuses to use a weapon, Captain Jack has no problem shooting someone who needs it. In one episode, he shoots a very evil woman several times at close range. BBC didn’t spare the stage blood and squibs.

A British show that allows self-defense is interesting. Of course, Torchwood members are not average citizens, but they’re not the police either. The Torchwood Institute is beyond government and beyond police.

It’s not all gun-friendliness though. In one episode a very scared teenager wounds Gwen with a shotgun thinking she’s one of his deadly neighbors. However, he used a pump-action shotgun illegal in Britain, so it begs the question of how did the character get it (it’s unpossible to get something that’s illegal isn’t it?).

The show is not for everyone. It’s darker and more adult than Doctor Who. For instance, Jack thinks the whole idea of sexuality is a quaint but primitive concept unknown in the 51st Century. There’re intimations that he’ll have sex with any sentient being that walks on two legs. Still, it’s entertaining and nice to see a Webley on TV.

What I'm Watching Now

If I haven’t said it before, I’ll say it now. I like to watch TV. I’m not indiscriminate in my TV viewing mind you. I have to enjoy a show at least once before I’ll spend anymore time with it. And, if it gets silly, boring, or too politically correct--there’s always a good book.

Unfortunately, being able to buy entire series on DVDs has complicated my life. For instance, I really like Joss Whedon’s Firefly, but didn’t get into it until I bought the series. I have a guilty girly pleasure as well, Buffy the Vampire Slayer also by Whedon. Then there are the shows that I liked years ago, but couldn’t see all the episodes or that I want to see again.

I recently bought The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr., which started in 1993 and ended 27 episodes later. I’d seen about two episodes of it when it was on broadcast TV and wanted to watch more, but it was on at a bad time for me then.

If you’re not familiar with it, Brisco County, Jr. is a Harvard trained lawyer turned Old West bounty hunter. His father, played in a couple of cameos by fellow gun owner R. Lee Ermey, is killed by an outlaw gang. Brisco vows revenge and seeks to lock up or kill the bad guys. Meanwhile, a mysterious golden orb in various episodes gives people supernatural powers. The outlaw gang’s chief wants it for himself.

While a Western, it’s a strange mix of horse opera and science fiction. Also, the episodes are somewhat uneven. Some are gripping, some are boring, and others are simply okay. But, it does have guns in it. Brisco and his reluctant sidekick. Lord Bowler, are armed with single-action six shooters. Bowler also carries a sawed-off double-barreled shotgun. Perhaps I should call it a Boomstick.

You see, Brisco is played by Bruce Campbell who gave life to the line, “This…is my Boomstick!” from Army of Darkness. Campbell does a good job here, but then it’s to be expected because he’s one of the best B-movie actors out there.

While I can't recommend each episode, it’s been a fun way to kill time while dinner’s cooking. And it's a fun show. It never took itself too seriously—for instance the writers threw in lots of anachronisms like a sheriff who talks like Elvis. Some of the shooting is silly. For instance, Brisco’s in a shooting contest where he must ricochet his bullets several times before hitting a small target. Not exactly possible. It’s not meant to be serious, so keep that in mind if you watch it.

Also, if you’re a fan of Lost (I’m not although I watched most of the first season), you’ll see that Carlton Cuse produced Lost and co-produced Brisco.

So, if you’re tolerant of a little un-seriousness, Brisco County might entertain you for awhile. Besides, did I say that it has guns and Bruce Campbell in it?